(With kudos to 23/6.com for their Maureen Dowd Reader's Guide idea)
Are you a regular Salon.com reader? Have you religiously followed Salon.com editor Joan Walsh through the twists and turns of her pretzel-like logic as she has dutifully covered the Democratic nomination process for more than a year?
Maybe you think you know Salon's fearless leader, but how well? Joan Walsh's punditry and strategic insights are so heartfelt and deep that you may be missing some of the intricate subtlety of her work.
But fear not! Now you can find out how well you really know Joan's writing by taking our Salon: The Parody "Joan Walsh Quiz."
Sharpen your pencils, and get ready to test your knowledge of one of Hillary's chief media defenders!
1. When did Joan say, regarding the Democratic primary process: "...it's true we don't know how it will end."
a) Summer 2007
b) December 2007
c) February 2008
d) Late May 2008
2. When Joan starts a sentence: "I chose not to write about..." what happens next?
a) She explains briefly what she is choosing not to write about.
b) She moves on to another topic
c) She touches upon the subject quickly
d) She goes on at length to describe exactly what she chooses not to write about, in great and gory detail, so as to present every single ugly accusation, rumor, innuendo or smear campaign effort
Answer: d. Example: "I chose not to write about...Father Michael Pfleger's reprehensible remarks about Hillary Clinton at Trinity last Sunday..."
3. When Joan leads with the words: "Most would agree..." what does this mean?
a) Polls have been conducted to show that...
b) Research has been done to prove that...
c) Vetted experts have gotten together and established that...
d) Joan is the only person who believes that...
4. True or false: When Joan wants to exaggerate associations with people perceived as negative, she inserts the word "longtime" as often as she can.
Answer: True. Example: "I felt that the ravings of a guest preacher, even one who's a longtime friend and advisor to Obama, just didn't seem as relevant as those of his longtime pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
5. True or False: Joan Walsh uses rhetorical questions and either/or questions to present negative information.
Answer: True. Examples: (Rhetorical) "Has Trinity changed? Obama doesn't say..."
(Either/or argument) "Either he attended the church for 20 years and knew that gratuitous anti-white rhetoric was accepted there, and didn't care until he was running for president, or his church affiliation was mainly a political one and he wasn't paying much attention."
6. What words does Joan add to the end of an attack sentence, to make it seem like she actually cares and isn't on the attack:
a) "...was horrendous."
b) "...was unconscionable.
c) "...was unacceptable."
d) "...was a little confusing."
Answer: d. Example: "But Obama's decision to leave his church of 20 years just two months after his Philadelphia speech on race, in which he said he wouldn't, was a little confusing."
7. When Hillary Clinton does something absolutely horrendous, how does Joan describe it?
c) "bad phrasing"
d) All of the above
Answer: d. Examples: "...her lackluster campaign strategy coming into 2008..." "...Clinton's unfortunate reference to Robert F. Kennedy's assassination..."
8. True or False? Joan Walsh wrote: "The world is divided between people who consider Bill and Hillary Clinton monsters, and people who don't."
9. According to Joan Walsh, who is most worried about Democratic unity and the November chance to beat McCain?
a) "Democratic party officials"
b) "Democratic governors"
c) "MSNBC's Keith Olbermann"
d) "staunch Obama supporters"
10. If Joan starts a sentence "It might seem misguided to focus on..." what comes next?
a) something negative about Obama that Joan wants to focus on
b) something negative about the Obama campaign that Joan wants to focus on
c) something negative about Obama supporters that Joan wants to focus on
d) all of the above
How well did you do? If you got 10 out of 10, you must be Carol Richards, Steve1us, bernbart, AncientAssyrian, Xrandadu Hutman or Manos!
Only a 1 out of 10? Hey, W.E.S., how are ya? Oh, sorry, we didn't realize it was you, KateTex!