Thursday, June 5, 2008

Obama Better Apologize to Hillary, Joan Walsh, and White Women, and...

Anne Louise here, editor of Salon: The Parody, with a letter of support for my colleague Joan Walsh, of, and her blog post, The other 18 million

Joan Walsh is of COURSE outraged. Her daughter is graduating from high school, and will be leaving her to go to college. She's trying to expand her pundit career, but as she gets ready to turn 50, and without Arianna's TV presence and millions of dollars, it's not going as well as she'd like. And despite everything she's doing to elevate Salon and make it fair and balanced for all, she's facing increasing criticism. HOW UNFAIR!!!

But the cherry on top is that a man has effectively stolen the nomination away from Hillary Clinton -- a smart, capable, educated woman who, just like Joan, has worked hard all her life, raised an accomplished daughter, and faced down years of criticism, only to have her dreams fade away at the prime of her life.

Yes, Obama's hijacking the Democratic nomination is a slap in the face to every woman, but none are more outraged than women like Joan and me: the millions of mid-life and older women, smarter than nearly everyone else, working harder than nearly everyone else, and yet, feeling ourselves invisible, due to unspeakable sexism and obstacles...and all along, getting criticized and attacked instead of rewarded.

Yes, we women are volatile and angry over the sexism Clinton has faced -- and that they face every single day -- and they have every right to be outraged.

Women are the largest Democratic constituency. Winning without support from these women -- these white Democratic women who are understandably feeling angry, insulted, and bitter -- will be impossible for Obama.

But there is a solution. Joan has outlined it, but she didn't make it clear and specific enough. Joan mentioned "a few simple pointers," but she needs to spell it out for Obama and the Obamabot/Obamanaics/Obama Boys.

Obama must apologize.

And he must apologize a lot.

In fact, if he takes Joan's advice, he should plan on apologizing from dawn to dusk, day in and day out, until November. Yes, Barack Obama has a lot of apologizing to do. Here is just a few of the many things Joan Walsh thinks he should apologize for:

  • Apologize for being African-American
  • Apologize for being younger than Hillary Clinton
  • Apologize for being a good speaker
  • Apologize for being inspiring
  • Apologize for speaking out against the war
  • Apologize for attracting young people
  • Apologize for attracting intelligent people
  • Apologize for attracting millions of donors
  • Apologize for having a Muslim father
  • Apologize for having a Muslim middle name
  • Apologize for becoming a Christian as an adult, because we know he only did this for political reasons
  • Apologize for joining Trinity -- even though it's one of the most popular churches in Chicago -- because we know he only did this for political reasons
  • Apologize for knowing Reverend Wright, or calling him his pastor
  • Apologize for previously attending any church where Father Pflegl has spoken
  • Apologize for not quitting the church sooner
  • Apologize for quitting the church after saying he wouldn't
  • Apologize for not denouncing Rev. Wright earlier
  • Apologize for denouncing Rev. Wright after saying he wouldn't
  • Apologize for Geraldine Ferraro being demonized, getting her feelings hurt and her reputation trashed
  • Apologize for making Harriet Christian so unhappy and for being "an inadequate black man"
  • Apologize for the fact that some black people have supported him solely because he's black
  • Apologize for the fact that some intellectuals have supported him solely because he's smart and educated
  • Apologize for the fact that it's his fault that women have lost a chance at having a woman president
  • Apologize for the fact that it's his fault that middle-aged and older women feel like they are irrelevant
  • Apologize for the fact that some people supporting him have called some people supporting Hillary racists
  • Apologize for personally causing an angry white female backlash
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on Clinton, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on Clinton's white female supporters, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on female journalists, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on bloggers who've occasionally tried to defend Hillary or critique him, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every single reader attack on Joan Walsh
  • Personally apologize for rufus
  • Apologize for anyone who thinks that Hillary, Joan Walsh, or any woman is a "washed up old white woman"
  • Apologize to every woman who has been the subject of "dismissive, derisive references to bitter old white women"
  • Apologize for quashing the feeling of female pride about Clinton's quest
  • Apologize for overshadowing the historic nature of Clinton's presidential bid
  • Apologize for overshadowing Clinton's lackluster stump speeches
  • Apologize for every incident of sexist disrespect faced by Clinton and her female supporters, including Joan Walsh
  • Apologize for any denials of such sexist disrespect on the part of himself, his campaign, the media, his supporters, and everyone in America for that matter
  • Apologize for Chris Matthews
  • Apologize for Keith Olbermann
  • Apologize for Jonathan Alter
  • Apologize for Howard Fineman
  • Apologize for Ted Kennedy, Jimmy Carter, Oprah, Rahm Emmanuel, and every single prominent public official or celebrity who has supported him or endorsed him, thereby disrespecting Hillary Clinton
  • Apologize for not speaking out when MSNBC said Hillary was"pimping out" Chelsea
  • Apologize for not speaking out when the media questioned whether Hillary's tears were real
  • Apologize for being pro-choice, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
  • Apologize for being against the war, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
  • Apologize for being in favor of improving the economy, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
  • Apologize for planning to appoint liberal Supreme Court justices, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
Joan gets it. She knows what it will take for Obama to win. The question is, does Obama?


Shannon M said...

Oh, thank you.

I am deeply despairing of Salon lately. I've been a reader for a decade. I ended my subscription a couple of years ago because Joan's stonewalling and outright hostility to reader protests were making me tired then. But I've kept reading. And now, I just really, seriously can't anymore.

Salon is actually bad now. War Room under Alex Koppelman is nothing but regurgitated AP headlines, Broadsheet is nothing but regurgitated inflammatory British tabloid post headlines with smirky, low-level eyerolling by way of commentary, and every single damn political article is about poor Hillary instead of Obama.

I'm finally, finally, after an entire decade of reading nothing but Salon, migrating to other the other sites I only used to skim for cultural and political commentary. They've gotten better while Salon has just become appalling.

Thanks for being funny, thanks for getting it!

david terry said...

Thank you, Thank you (both for the "OBAMA BETTER APOLOGIZE A LOT!"
article and "shannon-m"'s letter....

I read Joan Walsh's latest "blog" entry this morning and immediately thought of Ruth Draper's monologue "The German Governess".

I wish that I knew of a way to send it to Joan Walsh without incurring the risk of her sending something back.

Level Best as ever, and Thanks....

David Terry (clickon "contact the artist" icon to act like a sixth grader and Make Friends)

Anonymous said...

This site is consistently inspired, funny, and also makes very good points at the same time. Hats off to whoever you are.

--Xrandadu (I don't have an account here yet)

P.S. I made a dumb Salon Parody like yours. Email me at if you want me to send it to you. Maybe you could post it here as a "guest parody"?

Anonymous said...

Oops, by "dumb Salon parody like yours" I meant that it's "like yours," not that it's "dumb like yours." Haha. (Though yours is amusingly dumb.)

Ready for change said...

And a big thank you from those of us (I'm assuming I'm not the only one) who refuses to even register as a user at Salon, but nonetheless feels the same way as AncientAssyrian, Xranadu, and other great great letter writers (also, a shout out to weeping for bruunhilde) (sorry I'm spelling from memory) .

Madame De Stael & Friends said...

Thanks everyone, and welcome. It's lovely to find kindred spirits!! Shannon, David, X -- glad to see you all here.

X, I've emailed you -- I would be DELIGHTED to feature your parody as a guest writer -- hell, I'll make you contributing editor!! Just email me at and we'll get started getting your parody piece up!

rwanderman said...

Keep up the great work. My wife has now forbidden me from reading Joan Walsh's columns as they make me too mad (I sneak read anyway once in a while just to see her get ripped in the comments).

Keep up the great work here. Too bad this isn't built on a platform that would allow more of a community to form, wordpress, MT, etc. where folks could login and post (with moderation).

Anyway, I'm delighted so many others are unhappy with what Joan is doing with Salon. I'm a charter subscriber there and feel bad about how she's taken it down the tubes.

Might I suggest a blogroll/links list of suggested reading as an alternative and get people to comment with suggestions.


dr von drinkensnorten said...

Flawless. Sorry for loosing my cool *a little* this morning.

Well done, A+