Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Salon's Fatuous Joan Walsh Gets Bitchslapped By Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens is as obnoxious as they come, but there's no doubt that the man can argue eloquently. And unfortunately, as her many Hardball appearances have shown, Joan Walsh is a lightweight when it comes to making intelligent argument. In all her media appearances, she seems primarily interested in fawning obsessively about Hillary Clinton, aggressive frowning, sucking up to Chris Matthews, and trying to enhance her minimal value as a political pundit by shrilly restating the opinions of real political pundits. So it was truly satisfying to watch the blowhard Hitch bitchslap Joan Walsh on the Dec 1 show.

Here it is in all its glory.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Salon.com Says "Enough Sarah Palin Already!"

We've been so busy out on the campaign trail, working on the campaign, that we had to take a leave of absence here at Salon: the Parody. But we're back...and we know you missed us!! (As always, click to enlarge!)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Salon.com's Joan Walsh: TV Trolling That Helps Get John McCain Elected

Joan Walsh appeared on MSBNC's show Morning Joe today.Bob Cesca at the Huffington Post noticed it, and wrote about Joan's appearance on the show today.

But he's not the only one who noticed. McCain/Palin campaign manager Rick Davis was watching, and we've managed to intercept his confidential memo to Joanie! (Click to read)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Sarah Palin is Pretty Experienced, Dontcha Know?

Here at Salon the Parody we love Sarah Palin SO very much that we made a great new video about how experienced she is. Dontcha love it?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

If They're the Ones Who Broke It, How Can They Say They'll Fix it?

A brief video, from SalonParody...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Salon.com -- www.All-SarahPalin-All-The-Time.com

Salon.com has decided that the only story worth covering is Sarah Palin. She's a feminist! She's a dominatrix! She's killing moose! She's tough. She's lying. Doesn't matter what the issue is, Salon will find a Sarah Palin angle.
So, it is with great pleasure that we bring you the very latest Sarah Palin coverage: Here, the Sarah Palin vlog! (and no, it wasn't created by Salon.com. It's creative, and hilarious. It's definitely not a Salon.com product!)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Salon.com LOVES Sarah Palin!! Wanna Know Why?

Yes, just call Salon.com Sarah-love.com, because it's become the Palin 24/7 network. And why not? Salon editor Joan Walsh has always known exactly what she wanted, and it's NOT Barack Obama as president.

Click to enlarge

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

You Can Thank Salon's Joan Walsh for the Palin VP Pick!

Just in case you were wondering, if you're a Democrat, sitting back and enjoying the self-destruction of the Republican campaign at the hands of Sarah Palin, you should be thanking Joan Walsh, who singlehandedly is responsible for McCain choosing Palin!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Salon Reports that Barack Obama is a Muslim!

Did you know that Barack Obama is a Muslim? Yes, their crack political reporters and bloggers have broken the story, based on research they did at blogs from Fox News, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter and Little Green Footballs. (Oh, and in other breaking news reported by Salon, Obama DID go to a madrassa, and he wants to subjugate white people.) Read it all in today's headlines at Salon! (Click below to enlarge)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Apply for a Job at Salon.com!

Have you ever wanted to write for Salon.com? Well, here's your opportunity. Fill out our fast-track job application, and you're on your way! Who knows, maybe you'll even get your own blog at Salon, and be the next Farhad Manjoo!

(Click the application form to enlarge.)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Salon.com is Concerned About Obama

Click to enlarge

Thursday, August 7, 2008

We're So Bored With S-A-L-O-N: Is Salon Fatigue Real?

Click for a larger image. And scroll down to read the whole article.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Salon Editor Joan Walsh Comes Clean About Her Support for Hillary Clinton

And that's why I was so vocal, so adoring of everything Hillary said and did, and so unfailingly critical, concern-trolling, and derisive of Obama. Because, after all, I know where my bread is buttered. I had to do what was right for ME!!!

Of course, you all know how I feel about Obama stealing the nomination out from under Hillary Clinton. It may be faddish and fashionable and clever to talk about PUMAs, but disappointed and disillusioned Clinton supporters are a force to be reckoned with -- and you can count me among them.

But, I have been forced to face reality, and, barring any "unforeseen events" -- note that I am NOT bringing up Bobby Kennedy here -- Obama will be nominated officially in just a few weeks.

Which is why I, Joan Walsh, must URGE the Obama campaign to seriously consider Hillary Clinton as his running mate. Why?

Even though she voted to authorize the Iraq War -- and then voted on Kyl-Lieberman to authorize war against Iran -- in her heart, she really isn't a hawk, because she's a woman.

Even though she allowed her surrogates -- including Bill -- to say and do all sorts of things that raise the suspicion of racism -- in her heart, she's really not a racist. How could she discriminate against anyone, really, because after all, she's a woman.

Even though she wouldn't concede for a long time, and kept threatening to take it to the convention, she's not really a megalomaniacal egotist. How could she be? She's a woman? Only men are megalomaniacal egotists (ahem...paging Barack Obama...)

Even though she ran a really awful campaign, let Ickes and Penn run it into the ground, went broke a bunch of times, hired and fired all sorts of people, and let Terry McAuliffe be her spokesman, she's really, in her heart, a wonderful fiscal/strategic/people manager. She just had a run of bad luck...because she's a woman of course.

Even though she didn't get the nomination, it's just not fair, and women deserve more, and so she should at least be VP. It's the least everyone can do, because women are treated so shabbily in politics.

And come on already. She had to stay married to a megalomaniacal egotist cheater for all this time, and be publicly humiliated more times than she can count. It should count for something!

And last but not least, given my unfailing support, shilling, and cheerleading for Hillary from the earliest days of her campaign, I am owed -- and I am owed bigtime. So I expect that if Hillary is the nominee, and the Democrats win, you're looking at the next Communications Director for the office of the Vice President!!!!

Maybe my dream of an office in the West Wing isn't going to come true (not yet, at least -- notice I'm NOT talking about John F. Kennedy here) but the Old Executive Office Building does has its own charm, don't you agree?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Salon.com's Joan Walsh Says Obama's "Pressplane-gate" is An Outrage!

Obama may be on the road to the Middle East, but here at home, all eyes are focused on Pressplane-gate, the heinous Obama campaign's deliberate snubbing of the New Yorker, and refusal to choose the magazine to get one of the 40 seats on the press plane being allocated to 200 media requesting seats. Such outrage! Seething fury is ensuing. And did we mention outrage??!! And your fair, impartial and unbiased political pundit, Salon.com's Joan Walsh, is on the case!!! (Click to enlarge image)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Hilarious New Yorker Cover Parodies Joan Walsh!!

Seriously, isn't satire ALWAYS hilarious to the cognoscenti!??

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Real Salon.com in Action

Some people doubt that Salon.com has been gunning for Obama for a long time. But all it takes is a quick scan at just a few of many headlines, and you'll see what's really going on...and why we feel such a need to call them out on it here at Salon: the Parody!

And YES, THESE ARE REAL, ACTUAL SALON HEADLINES. No parody, nothing fake. Just Salon in all its glory... (note: they did eventually go back and take the word "uppity" out of their headline, FYI)

Click to enlarge the image.

New Yorker, Salon and Other Liberal Media Are Doing the Right's Dirty Work For Them

What's up with Alternet? Don Hazen's piece today suggests that Salon -- along with the New Yorker -- are somehow doing things that HURT Obama. Whuh? Doesn't everyone understand? Joan runs all those pieces attacking Obama because she's CONCERNED about him! Really concerned.

(Seriously, Don, you are Salon: The Parody's new hero. )

Salon.com's Joan Walsh Thinks New Yorker Obama Cover is Hilarious!

Salon.com's Joan Walsh is concerned about America's failing sense of humor. If they can't get how hilarious this New Yorker cover is, then what could they possibly think is actually funny? Joan Walsh is outraged -- yes, again -- and this time, it's about people who don't have a sense of humor...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Joan Walsh's Yellow Pad: "Things That Outrage Me / Ideas for New Blog Posts"

We've managed to get our hands on Salon.com editor Joan Walsh's legal pad, where she has apparently been making a list of ideas for upcoming blog posts, based on things that outrage her.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Joan Walsh of Salon Ponders 101 Ways to Get McCain Elected

She's not a Republican, of course, and it's not like she really wants John McCain to get elected or anything, but Salon.com's editor, Joan Walsh, wants to hear YOUR ideas.

She is inviting YOU to comment in her letters section, and share YOUR thoughts about how we can ensure that John McCain gets elected.

What do YOU think?

(click the image below to enlarge)

Friday, July 11, 2008

Joan Walsh for....President?

Salon's Joan Walsh Plotting Her Future

Salon the Parody is bringing you more insights into the inner workings of Salon, and its addlepated editor, Joan Walsh, thanks to special guest parodist Villemar.

Villemar was able to gain top-secret access to the files of Joan Walsh, and brings us this confidential memo that Joan sent, just last night in fact, to her protegé and sycophantic sidekick, Rebecca Traister.

So, thanks to Villemar for your top-flight espionage -- and parody -- skills!!

(Note: click the image to enlarge.)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

We're Concerned About Salon's Future

Salon's annual report has been published, and it's not good news. You can read the whole thing yourself, but here are the highlights:

"Premium subscriptions have been decreasing since Salon's quarter ended December 31, 2004 when paid subscriptions peaked at approximately 89,100. As of June 1, 2008, Salon had only 32,000 paid subscribers, [many of them lost in just the past year]."
Could the return of Camille Paglia, the loss of Steve Benen, ongoing sexism hysteria, Hillary campaigning, multiple stories about bacon and pork, and Joan's constant and steady stream of hack concern-trolling and carping have anything to do with driving away more and more people? Are all those people in the letters threads who say "That's it, I'm outta here, actually making good on their promise, and not renewing their subscriptions?
"Salon has incurred significant net losses and negative cash flows from operations since its inception. As of March 31, 2008, Salon had an accumulated deficit of $96.3 million."
Joan better be hoping that MSNBC has a job for her, because the bonuses are going to be pretty scarce this year in Salonland. (Maybe they'll just hand out slabs of bacon as bonuses?)
"Salon's net revenue decreased 3% to $7.5 million in the year ended March 31, 2008 from $7.7 million in the year ended March 31, 2007."
Way to go, Joan! You're running a political newsmagazine, in a campaign period when advertising has been strong, and you managed to lose advertising. Hmmm, I wonder if Arianna is losing advertising...
"Advertising revenues remained flat from one year ago at $5.4 million for the year ended March 31, 2008, as sales trailed off in the fourth quarter, despite record audiences, due to sales force turnover."
Sales force turnover? Let's just say it straight -- the sales force quit! Those sales people were rats leaving a sinking ship. (Either that, or they were Obama supporters who were finally fed up working for a liberal newsmagazine that seems hellbent on electing John McCain...) Plus, how exactly do you go about selling advertising on article after article about sexism, poor Hillary Clinton should have won, and bacon? A thankless job, that.
"An important factor in increasing advertising revenues in future periods, including Salon's peak third quarter ending December 31, is attracting more unique visitors to Salon's Website. Attracting more unique Website visitors is important to Salon as they generate page views, and each page view becomes a potential platform for serving advertisements."
But at least NOW, does everyone understand why Joan and company keep writing controversial, provocative, pointless concern troll posts whose sole purpose is to enrage people? It's the page views, stupid... (As for the bacon and pork, it's clear they aspire to getting the Pork Producer's Council as a major advertiser. Or they're trying to piss of Muslims and Jews.)
"...substantial doubt exists as to Salon's ability to continue as a going concern because of Salon's recurring operating losses, negative cash flow and accumulated deficit."
Aha, now we know why Joan throws herself at MSNBC with such gusto. If Salon doesn't fire her first, the whole operation still may be going down kablooey.

So Joan's desperation makes sense. 50 approaching, retirement looming, kid in college -- she needs a job. If Salon's going to go down the tubes, she wants to be positioned.

But poor "Mini-Me" (aka, Rebecca Traister). She has to be wondering if Joan's going to take her along when she bails on Salon for MSNBC!

Can YOU Predict Joan Walsh' Next Blog Post Title? Vote in Our Poll!!!

Salon readers who participated in our last poll were able to quite amazingly predict what Joan Walsh would do! Now, it's your chance to do it again!!

She's back from vacation, she's given Obama her de rigeur blasting re: FISA, with a hint of Hillary worship. But what's next?

Vote in our poll!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Joan Walsh is Back from Vacation and Ready to Bash Obama

Cue the scary horror flick music! Joan Walsh is back from vacation. AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

(Of course Joan wasn't REALLY off on vacation. She was off having lunch meetings to pitch MSNBC execs, begging them to give her a bigtime primetime teevee show so she can show off her astounding political punditry talents...)

So, Joan has more than a week off from Salon, time that you'd think she'd reflect for, oh, maybe five minutes or so between those MSNBC meetings. You know, think about Salon, its future, where its going, how to improve it -- important stuff like that.

So, first thing back, does she comes back
with a gleam in her eye and finally fire Camille Paglia? Does she tell her Mini-Me Rebecaa Traister to quit writing love letters to bacon and actually research and write something? Does she woo Steve Benen back to run War Room full-time?

No...there are much bigger slabs to fry for Joan...

Because after all that time to peruse and ponder, she doesn't come back with something new, exciting, and fresh to say?
OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO..... Joan Walsh -- and here, come on all, join in and say it along with us -- JOAN WALSH BASHES OBAMA.

Usually Joan is concerned by Obama, but the antidepressants are NOT working, and Joan's escalating. Now Joan is "betrayed" by Obama.

What's next? That's easy. While on vacation, Joan took along her trusty Roget's Thesaurus, looked up synonyms for concerned and betrayed, and and has mapped out enough blog post titles to easily carry her through the summer.

So, Salon readers, stay tuned, because coming soon from Joan Walsh at Salon, are the following headlines:

  • Troubled by Obama
  • The apostasy of Barack
  • Feeling anxious about Obama
  • Why we're apprehensive about Obama
  • Obama begins to beguile
  • America is fearful of Obama
  • My uneasiness with Obama
  • Obama's unsettling direction
  • Why liberals are distressed by Obama
  • Obama's perfidious politics
  • Treachery thy name is Obama
  • Obama double-crosses the Dems
  • Deceived by the dude
  • Duped by the Democratic nominee
  • Obama humbug!
  • Hoodwinked by the hysteria
  • Obambi pulls the wool over our eyes
Isn't there anyone out there who will invite Joan (and throw in Alex Koppelman too, as he's due back soon!) to your summer house for a few more weeks of summer vacation? All you need is lots of salmon for the grill, cheap white wine, and a willingness to listen to Joan explain how Hillary Clinton should have won, while Koppelman nods like a Bobblehead.

Please, someone, invite them!! Because even with the bacon stories and Greenwald doing his best Paul Revere imitation, Salon sans Walsh and Koppelman was such the nicer place.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Salon.com's Joan Walsh Finds Another Huge Problem With Obama

Just as the sun always rises in the East, and night follows day, we know that Joan Walsh has concerns about Barack Obama. She's worried, she's concerned, she's got something to say, and, of course she's not alone, because, as Joan will remind us all, frequently: "most would agree."

Today, woot woot -- another big surprise -- Joan thinks that Obama has yet another huge, insurmountable problem to overcome...

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Letters -- Joan Gets Letters -- Salon.com's Joan Walsh Fields Letters Galore

One of the most exciting parts of Salon.com is the invigorating back and forth exchange that takes place in the "Letters" section.

Frankly, here at Salon: The Parody, we can't get enough of the wonderful letter writers over at Salon, especially the intrepid folks and fans who post letters in response to editor Joan Walsh's blog posts.

Now, there's no need to even go to the letters section.

You can experience the wonders of Salon's letters section vicariously, right here, at Salon: the Parody. Join in the fun now!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Rebecca Traister: Joan Walsh's Mini-Me at Salon.com

Who wouldn't love a junior version of yourself? The rumblings are afoot that Joan's going to get herself a tv show. But who will replace her? Could she be passing the baton to Rebecca Traister? Or is "imitation the sincerest form of flattery?" Who knows... Our intercepted email may have the elusive answers...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Thanks, Wonkette...

for giving Salon: the Parody a taste of Wonkette fame.

(And for t
he record, we're really not hatin' on Joan. Just trying to figure out why she's hatin' on Obama, and wondering when she's finally going to recover from Hillary losing the primary...)

Monday, June 23, 2008

Joan Walsh Hands Out New Anti-Obama, Pro-Hillary, "That's Sexist!" Writing Assignments for Salon Staff

It may be summer, but the living is not easy over at Salon.com. That's right, no rest for the weary, even after grueling primary coverage, because there are ad clicks to generate, and outraged letters to inspire!!

Here's Joan Walsh's latest memo to staff, outlining the top secret story ideas she has planned -- ones that will reflect the new Salon-wide policy of finding anti-Obama, pro-Hillary or "that's sexist!" angles in every story until the Inauguration.

Friday, June 20, 2008

More Muslim Than Obama

Yes, even though you may be a bit confused after reading Salon's latest distorted anti-Obama headline, there's another blog out there that has figured it all out. So, major Salon: The Parody fistbumps, kudos, props, and cheers for the wonderful new site, More Muslim Than Obama. They are doing it right...in the right venue, in the right way.

So, three ululations for this wonderful new site!!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Salon.com: If the Presidential Candidates Were Single

Salon.com seems to be overly concerned with the potential of a "catfight" -- to use editor Joan Walsh's favorite new word -- between the wives of the two presumptive Presidential nominees. So -- with a tip of the hat to Salon Letters regulars, Quiet Type (a true genius) and C. Mosby, who came up with the idea -- Salon: the Parody envisions the Salon homepage...IF the candidates were single...

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

And Now, a Word from Barack...

Monday, June 16, 2008

Salon's Joan Walsh Asks: "What's Wrong with...ME?"

Check out Salon.com, and you're apt to find editor Joan Walsh or one of her trusty minions lamenting:

What's wrong with (Fill in the blank with: )
I'm concerned about (Fill in the blank with: )

But she's turned her laser-like gaze to a topic of the ultimate importance, what's wrong with...HERSELF!

Salon's Voting Republican!!!!

Yes, at the direction of our fearless leader Joan Walsh, we are all now so incensed that Hillary had her nomination stolen away from her by the sexist Obama campaign, that we're voting Republican. Watch the video to see why!!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Salon.com's Joan Walsh Lobbies for Her Own Show at MSNBC

Joan Walsh has read the riot act to Phil Griffin, senior vice president of NBC News and the executive in charge of MSNBC, complaining about Griffin's defense of Olbermann. But right after she sent an email to Griffin for comment, Joan drafted a friendlier fax to pitch Griffin on her new show idea. It's going out tomorrow morning. Here's your first look at the the confidential memo!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Write Your Own Joan Walsh Salon.com Blog Post-omatic

Salon.com editor Joan Walsh can take a well-deserved vacation.

That's because the "Write Your Own Joan Walsh Salon.com Blog Post-omatic" is here, to take over the important job of writing Joan's blog posts for her!

Try it yourself! You may have a future as Salon's editor too!!

I am very by Barack Obama.

Despite running her campaign, and having the Democratic nomination her, Hillary still had the graciousness to Obama.

And despite , Obama will be the Democractic nominee in August, unless, of course

Of course, in the meantime, I am subjected to the scorn of , which pains me greatly. Because I have taken great care to be in all my primary coverage.

And I'd like to close by saying that the most important issue, bar none, of the primary is, without a doubt :

-- Joan Walsh

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Kilroy was here -- Salon's Troll of the Day Award Winner

Today's winner is Kilroy was here, a truly grumpy old troll who seems to despise everyone and everything, but has a particularly telling problem with Obama's ears. (Yes, his ears, and you know what Dr. Freud would say about that, Kilroy, don't you?)

Kilroy also seems to be especially concerned with the credit status of Obama supporters. Perhaps Kilroy is employed with Mastercard or Visa?

Read a particularly moronic and misogynistic contribution by Kilroy, titled "Michelle is Disgusting."

Hillary's post-election beard and other hilarity

Ok, let's admit it. Xrandadu Hutman is a true parody genius. Here is another brilliant XH contribution. Be sure you read all the AP stories, and the ads, because there are gems aplenty sprinkled throughout this work of art and smart. Here here, Hutman. Can we at least name you as Co-editor?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Salon.com Ponders Barack Obama's Fist Bump Problem

Barack Obama has a fist bump problem. And Hillary's pantsuits are THE fashion must-have for Fall. Let's continue to be concerned about Obama, and explore everything wonderful about Hillary, today, at Salon: the Parody.

Click to enlarge the image.

Monday, June 9, 2008

The Democractic Primary Season in 8 Minutes

A video not to be missed, that summarizes all the key milestones of the Democratic primary season.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Salon.com: All Hillary, All the Time

Hillary may be yesterday's news, but not at Salon.com, where she's front, center, and the topic of nearly every story! Hooray -- Salon is staying on point, no change agenting there, and no pivoting allowed!!!
Click image to enlarge!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Joan Walsh: How Obama won me over

We are honored to bring you this brilliant contribution from guest parodist Xrandadu Hutman, a smart, funny and popular writer who is well-known at Salon.com's letters column. Xrandadu Hutman has regularly offered polite but tenacious and energetically argued counterpoint to many of Joan Walsh's anti-Obama columns. Here, Xrandadu shares an alternate reality -- perhaps a future vision -- of Salon's editor Joan Walsh -- having transformed herself into an unabashed Obamamaniac.

Are we "hope-mongers" so audacious as to believe that maybe it could actually happen? (Feel free to leave your predictions, and your love for XH, here in the comments section!)

(Click to enlarge the image)

Hooray for ShawnWM: Winner of The Joan Walsh Honorary Anti-Obama Troll of the Day Award

Today's winner is ShawnWM, who never fails to shock and awe with a steady stream of racist and just plain wackadoo wingding diatribes that often involve animals, spandex and bodily excretions (are you telling us something there Shawn?)

Here, then, for your award-winning pleasure, are some famous ShawnWMisms direct from the pages of Salon.com letters, where, after nearly a year, ShawnWM STILL hasn't been banned, and continues to share witticisms like these:

Is there someone in the Salon letters area that you think deserves the Award? Email us with your nomination now.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

C. Mosby: Obama Lunch Exclusive

June 5, 2008
With thanks to special correspondent C. Mosby, for this exclusive account, first reported in Salon.com.
"We have it from reliable sources that notable TV pundit and Salon editor-in-chief Joan Walsh managed to broker a private lunch meeting recently at an undisclosed Manhattan residence for presumptive nominee Barack Obama. According to reports, aside from Mr. Obama, the guest list included Hillary Clinton, Joan Walsh, Geraldine Ferraro, Taylor Marsh, and Harriet Christian. An anonymous source reports that Mr. Obama brought flowers for all.

This luncheon is reportedly just one of many Ms. Walsh apparently will be arranging for Mr. Obama to help shore up his constituency for the upcoming general election campaign. The details are still skimpy; but sources say that some of the agenda items included:

1. Reissuing a previously released Shorenstein Center report that concluded there was no evidence of disparate effects of sexism or racism on either of the last two Democratic candidate’s campaigns during the recently concluded primaries. The agenda item was proposed by Ms. Ferraro who insists this “flawed” conclusion is the result of “reverse racism”.

2. Presentation of a list of grievances that Mr. Obama needs to address as furnished by Anne Louise, editor of Salon’s spin-off publication. (List can be read here.)

3. Direct input to, and the right to veto, Mr. Obama’s choice for Vice President on his ticket.

We have been unable to confirm rumors that Ms. Walsh has been offered the position of White House Press Secretary in the event of Mr. Obama’s election; but most people agree that would be a logical choice considering the facility Ms. Walsh has demonstrated in dealing with those in the media. Mr. Obama allegedly praised the objectivity and fairness of Salon in covering his primary campaign, adding that the concerns frequently expressed by Ms. Walsh were key to the current status of his candidacy.

Not every thing went smoothly. According to unnamed wait staff at the event, Ms. Christian “came unglued” when an African American Secret Service agent attempted to “pat her down” upon her arrival, screaming “I am not a second class citizen”.

This was just the first of many appearances Ms. Walsh expects to be arranging on what she calls Mr. Obama’s “reach out to white America” tour. Next up, according to Ms. Walsh, a dinner engagement for Mr. Obama including herself, Bill O’Reilly and Pat Buchanan at Sylvia’s restaurant in Harlem. Ms. Walsh admitted that she had a difficult time persuading Mr. Buchanan to attend until she and Mr. O’Reilly convinced him it would be safe with Secret Service protection and that the restaurant would be serving Corned Beef and Cabbage ala Harlem."

Obama Better Apologize to Hillary, Joan Walsh, and White Women, and...

Anne Louise here, editor of Salon: The Parody, with a letter of support for my colleague Joan Walsh, of Salon.com, and her blog post, The other 18 million

Joan Walsh is of COURSE outraged. Her daughter is graduating from high school, and will be leaving her to go to college. She's trying to expand her pundit career, but as she gets ready to turn 50, and without Arianna's TV presence and millions of dollars, it's not going as well as she'd like. And despite everything she's doing to elevate Salon and make it fair and balanced for all, she's facing increasing criticism. HOW UNFAIR!!!

But the cherry on top is that a man has effectively stolen the nomination away from Hillary Clinton -- a smart, capable, educated woman who, just like Joan, has worked hard all her life, raised an accomplished daughter, and faced down years of criticism, only to have her dreams fade away at the prime of her life.

Yes, Obama's hijacking the Democratic nomination is a slap in the face to every woman, but none are more outraged than women like Joan and me: the millions of mid-life and older women, smarter than nearly everyone else, working harder than nearly everyone else, and yet, feeling ourselves invisible, due to unspeakable sexism and obstacles...and all along, getting criticized and attacked instead of rewarded.

Yes, we women are volatile and angry over the sexism Clinton has faced -- and that they face every single day -- and they have every right to be outraged.

Women are the largest Democratic constituency. Winning without support from these women -- these white Democratic women who are understandably feeling angry, insulted, and bitter -- will be impossible for Obama.

But there is a solution. Joan has outlined it, but she didn't make it clear and specific enough. Joan mentioned "a few simple pointers," but she needs to spell it out for Obama and the Obamabot/Obamanaics/Obama Boys.

Obama must apologize.

And he must apologize a lot.

In fact, if he takes Joan's advice, he should plan on apologizing from dawn to dusk, day in and day out, until November. Yes, Barack Obama has a lot of apologizing to do. Here is just a few of the many things Joan Walsh thinks he should apologize for:

  • Apologize for being African-American
  • Apologize for being younger than Hillary Clinton
  • Apologize for being a good speaker
  • Apologize for being inspiring
  • Apologize for speaking out against the war
  • Apologize for attracting young people
  • Apologize for attracting intelligent people
  • Apologize for attracting millions of donors
  • Apologize for having a Muslim father
  • Apologize for having a Muslim middle name
  • Apologize for becoming a Christian as an adult, because we know he only did this for political reasons
  • Apologize for joining Trinity -- even though it's one of the most popular churches in Chicago -- because we know he only did this for political reasons
  • Apologize for knowing Reverend Wright, or calling him his pastor
  • Apologize for previously attending any church where Father Pflegl has spoken
  • Apologize for not quitting the church sooner
  • Apologize for quitting the church after saying he wouldn't
  • Apologize for not denouncing Rev. Wright earlier
  • Apologize for denouncing Rev. Wright after saying he wouldn't
  • Apologize for Geraldine Ferraro being demonized, getting her feelings hurt and her reputation trashed
  • Apologize for making Harriet Christian so unhappy and for being "an inadequate black man"
  • Apologize for the fact that some black people have supported him solely because he's black
  • Apologize for the fact that some intellectuals have supported him solely because he's smart and educated
  • Apologize for the fact that it's his fault that women have lost a chance at having a woman president
  • Apologize for the fact that it's his fault that middle-aged and older women feel like they are irrelevant
  • Apologize for the fact that some people supporting him have called some people supporting Hillary racists
  • Apologize for personally causing an angry white female backlash
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on Clinton, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on Clinton's white female supporters, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on female journalists, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every sexist attack on bloggers who've occasionally tried to defend Hillary or critique him, no matter who perpetrated it
  • Apologize for every single reader attack on Joan Walsh
  • Personally apologize for rufus
  • Apologize for anyone who thinks that Hillary, Joan Walsh, or any woman is a "washed up old white woman"
  • Apologize to every woman who has been the subject of "dismissive, derisive references to bitter old white women"
  • Apologize for quashing the feeling of female pride about Clinton's quest
  • Apologize for overshadowing the historic nature of Clinton's presidential bid
  • Apologize for overshadowing Clinton's lackluster stump speeches
  • Apologize for every incident of sexist disrespect faced by Clinton and her female supporters, including Joan Walsh
  • Apologize for any denials of such sexist disrespect on the part of himself, his campaign, the media, his supporters, and everyone in America for that matter
  • Apologize for Chris Matthews
  • Apologize for Keith Olbermann
  • Apologize for Jonathan Alter
  • Apologize for Howard Fineman
  • Apologize for Ted Kennedy, Jimmy Carter, Oprah, Rahm Emmanuel, and every single prominent public official or celebrity who has supported him or endorsed him, thereby disrespecting Hillary Clinton
  • Apologize for not speaking out when MSNBC said Hillary was"pimping out" Chelsea
  • Apologize for not speaking out when the media questioned whether Hillary's tears were real
  • Apologize for being pro-choice, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
  • Apologize for being against the war, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
  • Apologize for being in favor of improving the economy, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
  • Apologize for planning to appoint liberal Supreme Court justices, thereby backing McCainocratic women into a corner in November
Joan gets it. She knows what it will take for Obama to win. The question is, does Obama?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Joan Walsh Quiz: How Well Do You Know Joan Walsh's Writing at Salon.com? Take Our Quiz Now

(With kudos to 23/6.com for their Maureen Dowd Reader's Guide idea)

Are you a regular Salon.com reader? Have you religiously followed Salon.com editor Joan Walsh through the twists and turns of her pretzel-like logic as she has dutifully covered the Democratic nomination process for more than a year?

Maybe you think you know Salon's fearless leader, but how well? Joan Walsh's punditry and strategic insights are so heartfelt and deep that you may be missing some of the intricate subtlety of her work.

But fear not! Now you can find out how well you really know Joan's writing by taking our Salon: The Parody "Joan Walsh Quiz."

Sharpen your pencils, and get ready to test your knowledge of one of Hillary's chief media defenders!

1. When did Joan say, regarding the Democratic primary process: "...it's true we don't know how it will end."

a) Summer 2007
b) December 2007
c) February 2008
d) Late May 2008

Answer: d.

2. When Joan starts a sentence: "I chose not to write about..." what happens next?

a) She explains briefly what she is choosing not to write about.
b) She moves on to another topic
c) She touches upon the subject quickly
d) She goes on at length to describe exactly what she chooses not to write about, in great and gory detail, so as to present every single ugly accusation, rumor, innuendo or smear campaign effort

Answer: d. Example: "I chose not to write about...Father Michael Pfleger's reprehensible remarks about Hillary Clinton at Trinity last Sunday..."

3. When Joan leads with the words: "Most would agree..." what does this mean?

a) Polls have been conducted to show that...
b) Research has been done to prove that...
c) Vetted experts have gotten together and established that...
d) Joan is the only person who believes that...

Answer: d

4. True or false: When Joan wants to exaggerate associations with people perceived as negative, she inserts the word "longtime" as often as she can.

Answer: True. Example: "I felt that the ravings of a guest preacher, even one who's a longtime friend and advisor to Obama, just didn't seem as relevant as those of his longtime pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

5. True or False: Joan Walsh uses rhetorical questions and either/or questions to present negative information.

Answer: True. Examples: (Rhetorical) "Has Trinity changed? Obama doesn't say..."
(Either/or argument) "Either he attended the church for 20 years and knew that gratuitous anti-white rhetoric was accepted there, and didn't care until he was running for president, or his church affiliation was mainly a political one and he wasn't paying much attention."

6. What words does Joan add to the end of an attack sentence, to make it seem like she actually cares and isn't on the attack:

a) "...was horrendous."
b) "...was unconscionable.
c) "...was unacceptable."
d) "...was a little confusing."

Answer: d. Example: "But Obama's decision to leave his church of 20 years just two months after his Philadelphia speech on race, in which he said he wouldn't, was a little confusing."

7. When Hillary Clinton does something absolutely horrendous, how does Joan describe it?

a) "lackluster"
b) "unfortunate"
c) "bad phrasing"
d) All of the above

Answer: d. Examples: "...her lackluster campaign strategy coming into 2008..." "...Clinton's unfortunate reference to Robert F. Kennedy's assassination..."

8. True or False? Joan Walsh wrote: "The world is divided between people who consider Bill and Hillary Clinton monsters, and people who don't."

Answer: True

9. According to Joan Walsh, who is most worried about Democratic unity and the November chance to beat McCain?

a) "Democratic party officials"
b) "Democratic governors"
c) "MSNBC's Keith Olbermann"
d) "staunch Obama supporters"

Answer: d.

10. If Joan starts a sentence "It might seem misguided to focus on..." what comes next?

a) something negative about Obama that Joan wants to focus on
b) something negative about the Obama campaign that Joan wants to focus on
c) something negative about Obama supporters that Joan wants to focus on
d) all of the above

Answer: d.

* * * * * * * *

How well did you do? If you got 10 out of 10, you must be Carol Richards, Steve1us, bernbart, AncientAssyrian, Xrandadu Hutman or Manos!

Only a 1 out of 10? Hey, W.E.S., how are ya? Oh, sorry, we didn't realize it was you, KateTex!

Congratulations KateTex, Indefatigable Letters Troll at Salon: Winner of the Joan Walsh Honorary Anti-Obama Troll of the Day Award!

Here at Salon: The Parody, we LOVE KateTex the indefatigable letter troll known as KateTex.

So much so, in fact, that we've given KateTex our newest accolade, the Joan Walsh Honorary Anti-Obama Troll of the Day Award, honoring those letter writers who manage to trash Barack Obama, his campaign, or supporters in a convoluted, passive-aggressive, concern troll, or simply outright insane way at Salon.com.

Today, KateTex actually managed to conjure up the image of torturing kittens when talking about Obama!

Don't believe us? Read it for yourself!

Congratulations, KateTex! Joan would be proud!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Obama's Joan Walsh problem (She's a McCainocrat!)

Joan Walsh is "concerned." And when she's concerned, look out Barack Obama. And now, finally, as the Democratic nominating process comes to an end, the Salon.com editor has FINALLY made an endorsement...

(Click to enlarge the image)

TAKE OUR LATEST POLL: What will Joan do after the last two primaries, when it's clear that Hillary can't win the nomination?

Saturday, May 31, 2008

What Will Joan Walsh's Next Salon.com Blog Post Be Titled? Vote In Our Poll!

Now that the DNC rules committee has voted, and it looks like Hillary Clinton has no chance at a nomination, what do you think Joan Walsh's next blog post will be titled?

Secret Joan Walsh Memo Reveals Tactic to Generate Letters Page Views

Even as subscribers fail to renew, and new subscribers signups are flagging, Salon.com editor Joan Walsh is coming to depend even more on advertising revenue. Here, in a confidential memo, is Joan's latest genius plan for ensuring increasing page views at Salon.com by writing insane posts, and then creating alternate identities to defend yourself in the letters section.

Click to enlarge the memo.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Hillary's Secret Weapon: Joan Walsh to Be on Ticket as VP

The secret's out...Clinton plans to name Salon editor and supporter Joan Walsh as VP in campaign. Will Salon's vehement anti-sexist blogger and wannabe pundit help clinch the nomination for Hillary?

Find out only in today's edition of Salon: The Parody!

As always, click the image for a larger view!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

"Well, he COULD get assassinated now, couldn't he?" -- Joan Walsh applauds the courage of Hillary Clinton in speaking an unpopular truth

Oh that Joan Walsh...she's at it again! Don't miss the latest issue of Salon: The Parody, where Joan explains why it's responsible, righteous and courageous for Hillary to stay in the race, just in case her country needs her. (Click the image for the full-size view.)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

"My constant hammering of Obama is making him a stronger candidate" -- Joan Walsh

Salon.com's Joan Walsh shares why she personally is responsible for Barack Obama's resurgence as the Democratic front-runner in this hilarious Salon: The Parody front page spoof of the Salon.com home page.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Our New Advertiser!

Here at Salon: The Parody, we are so pleased to announce our new advertiser. No, it's not the U.S. Army. (They've already blown their internet ad budget over at Salon.com anyway!) Here, we have a wonderful new product from the pharmaceutical world, and it's taking the world -- or at least North Carolina and Indiana today -- by storm! (Special thanks to our contributor CM, for design and production of this ad.)